The Perfect Bag

I don't know what's happened to me recently.  I always used to detest shopping.  I'd only go to town if I really needed something, and once there I'd nip in, buy the thing, and hop straight out again.  But I can't help noticing that in the past few months I've really started to enjoy it, especially if I'm with John.  It's quite nice when your husband also happens to be your best friend and he likes shopping as much as you do.  We love to shop, stop off in a cafe, and shop again.
Part of the shopping thing is that I've been on a quest to find the perfect handbag.  I bought this one in Paris after a great deal of dithering:

I absolutely love it.  There's quite a bit of room and it goes over my arm perfectly.  I had no idea strap length was so crucial!
But of course I couldn't take this bag when we went back to Paris in October without blatantly looking like a tourist, so the hunt was on for another suitable bag.  By now I'd found my perfect black coat and boots, so the obvious way forward was to find a black bag to go with them.  I found this bag in a shop in Loughborough:

(I immediately found a similar one that I liked even more in Next for half the price, but we won't go there!)  So this is the bag that I took to Paris and it worked very well.

But since then, this bag has been driving me barmy.  Considering it's not very big, it's amazing how many things, like keys, get lost at the bottom of it.  I keep having to take everything out to find what I'm looking for.  Things like that really frustrate me, especially if it's going to make me late for work when I wasn't late before and especially after working to hard to simplify my life recently.
In the meantime, I've been looking at bigger bags and trying to decide how I feel about them.  I really didn't want to lug a great big bag full up with stuff, around with me all day, like a sack... but there is something attractive about these bigger bags.  I've been thinking it might be an idea to buy a nice shopping bag in black, similar to my green Harrods bag (which, incidentally, I've had for 25 years and it still looks brand new!)  Don't forget, these bags have to fit on the handlebars of my bike, too.
Then last Friday I went to T.K. Maxx with Priscilla, and there before me were some of the most beautiful bags I've ever seen... and most of them were big.  But I was smitten.
So on Saturday John and I went to the T.K. Maxx in Luffie, with me determined to prove they don't sell them there... and there they were!  And before you know it, I was cruising the shelves, trying them for size, checking the interior, knowing exactly my spec for the perfect bag.  I actually fell in love with a lime green one, which opened wide with a big cavernous space inside.  It looked wild and fun.  But then I saw this one and I knew it was THE ONE! 

For some reason, although it's a bigger bag, things don't get lost in the bottom of it.  It's perfect for church, when I take my kindle and a notebook and it'll carry a bottle of water without even noticing it.  Basically, I'm in love.  I've finally found the one for me.
Now I just need that pair of shoes...!
Back soon
Jane x

The Woman In The Fifth

You'd only have to spend a short amount of time with me to find I'm totally book obsessed and have been all my life.  My blog wouldn't be truly mine unless I told you what I was reading.  And, nine times out of ten, I'll rave about the book and put it on my list to be read again in two years time.
But not this time.
Lesson learned:  Just because a book is set in Paris, and the writer has won awards, it doesn't mean the book will be good!  I was totally into it.  Man leaves America in a hurry, and, bit by bit we find out why.  He gets a strange job and lives in a sleazy apartment, but I'm good with it.  And then, by the time it's too late, the whole point of the story is revealed and, frankly, "Nooooooooo!"  is what you get from me.  But fortunately by then there were only a few chapters to go, and I was prepared to wade on, hoping right up to the last minute that the author would change his mind, but no.
And so I will never read this book again.  But it did bring a flavour of Paris into my life for a while and I'm grateful for that.  People buy this book in their droves in France, apparently.  Well they're welcome to it.  At least mine was a library book and didn't cost me any money.  Thank goodness for that!
Back soon
Jane x

Paris Again (Part 4)

Actually got up a bit later today (still ill, peeps).  I had decided that today was shopping day, so we set off for the rue Mouffetard.  I'd read about this in several guide books which seemed to think there was a market here, so at first I was disappointed to find it wasn't on.  Maybe it's only at the weekend.
Then it started to sink in that I was actually in the most fabulous area (in the fifth). 

There are very few photos that do the place justice.  Note to self: do not let husband comandeer camera for the entire trip as you end up with very few photos for your blog!
Anyway, each shop is very small, but crammed to bursting with either fish, cheese, fruit or (drool!) chocolate.  Of course this has to spill out onto the street, making it very difficult to walk anywhere without wanting to eat everything in sight.  How on earth Parisiennes stay slim with that lot on offer I do not know.  The photo above is of John in a little bistro.  I took the photo because I was fascinated by the tea pot, look:

We saw them for sale in a shop further up and they are very, very expensive (porquoi?)
It also goes to show that we hardly know what cheese is in England, to be honest.  Don't shoot me, I just can't stand cheddar!  The shops must have had 50 different varieties.
We went into a beautiful chocolatier and I bought a selection of chocolates.  I explained that I am allergic to nuts and the shop keeper pointed me in the direction of all the nut free treats.  She was so kind and helpful.  I felt very elegant walking down the road with my little box of chocs in my lovely bag. 
I could wander around here for hours.  Imagine living here and being able to shop here every day...
I wish to goodness I'd known the Pantheon is further up, I'd have walked on and on, but never mind, something for next time.
And so, just for complete contrast, we set off for Galeries Lafayette.  Time Out guide to Paris describes this huge, beautiful department store as selling affordable items.  In WHAT universe??  Someone should have told me it is Paris' equivalent to Harrods.  I mean, 6840 euros for a Prada bag is pushing it a bit, don't you think? 
We had moules et frites in a restaurant and it was all superb.  I'm so sorry I can't remember the name of the place, but it was fab.  In fact, I feel we've only scratched the surface of this amazing city.  There are so many museums, shops and restuarants we haven't seen.  You turn a corner and there is another fountain in another square with another old mansion at the back of it.  I don't want to go home!  I've seen at least two book shops that I never got to go into.  It isn't fair!
Finally, we went to the Dome Church at Les Invalides, where Napoleon's tomb resides.  This is another place we drove past last time that I knew I had to see.  I'm so glad we did:

This is the actual 'tombeau'.  In all the pictures I've seen, it looks really small, but in fact it's huge (considering Napoleon was only 5ft 5inches.)  Look at the people in the picture to give you an idea of the scale.

Building began in 1670 and Napoleon's body was brought here in 1840.  It really is a magnificent place (it's Paris, what else would it be?!)

So that was that, and after a lovely stroll through the gardens it was time to make our way home for our last meal.
But then the most extraordinary thing happened.  This little chap appeared and decided to smuggle himself into my luggage for the journey home. 

Well obviously I did the only thing a girl could do and tucked him up safely in my suitcase.  His name is Boney Ted and he is now enjoying life en Angleterre!
So all in all we had the most awesome time.  I know so many of you have either been to Paris or are currently living there and totally understand the captivating magic of this wonderful city.  I can't wait to go back. 

Another Day In Paris (Part 3)

We got up early today and had a nice breakfast.  In other words, I am having my croissant and hot chocolate fix on a daily basis.  There is no better way to start the day in my opinion!
We left quite early though as we'd decided to visit the Louvre and past experience has shown us that you need to get in the queue early on, so we were there by 8.20am and the museum doesn't even open until 9am, but to be fair, there were already people in the queue. 
When the doors open, the queue moves pretty quickly, and the route to 'you-know-who' is very well sign-posted (okay, I mean La Gioconda, or La Joconde, if we're being french).  Most people made their way up there and I'm glad we did, as we had a fabulous view, which I think may have been difficult later on judgeing from the crowds.
Here's our gal:

I've always been told the painting is very small, but actually it's quite big (not compared to some of the others, granted, but not tiny).  I was quite awestruck, to be honest.  I can't believe I've actually stood in front of it, it's actually quite breathtaking.  I didn't realise how old it is either (1503).
The Louvre is vast and we walked round most of it.

I forgot the Venus de milo was in here too, so stumbling upon her was quite a thrill.

I've put this on just because I have a passion for Assyrian antiquities.  There is some awesome stuff like this in the British Museum, with stuff from Nineveh, that really brings the Bible to life and absolutely fascinates me.
Here's the other thing, that made the whole trip worthwhile:

This is Francois Rude's statue of Joan of Arc.  I don't know how to explain this, really.  I am a born again Christian, but totally not catholic, but I've had a 'thing' about Jeanne d'Arc for many, many years.  There's just something about her female heroism that really speaks to me.
Anyway, there she was, listening, armour by her side.  She will pop up again later actually, but I just wanted to put her in here, where she belongs.
So basically, I'm so glad we went to the Louvre.  We were actually in there for 4 hours and still didn't see everything.  I don't want to make this a very picture heavy post, but you get the idea.
We came out into the sunlight and then headed up to Abbesses station and up on the Funicular.  If you don't know what that is, have a look here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Montmartre_funicular 
We decided not to go to the Sacre Coeur as we went inside last time, so we just wandered around the market square and had lunch in a restaurant there.  We had a Plat du Jour for 14E 50, which was very good.  I had an amazing starter which was a vol au vent with some slightly melted roquefort cheese in it and the plate swimming in a cheese sauce, it was awesome.  I also had Boeuf bourguignon, which was fabulous, then a chocolate mousse.  The flavours in each course were very strong and fabulous.  I just want to go back and eat it all again!  You look at the choc mousses here and think, 'that's really small' but the flavour is so rich, you really don't need a massive portion.  I have never come across chocolate like that in England.  That is not to say it doesn't exist, but I've never come across it!  And if you have, please, for goodness sake, leave me a message and tell me where I can get some!!
This is quite a long post now, so I'll stop and pop back tomorrow.
Thanks for looking
Jane xx

Another Day In Paris (Part 2)

Such a busy day.  As usual, we walked miles, even though we didn't intend to!  Why does Paris do that to you?  Everyone says Paris is smaller than London, like that somehow makes it small, but it isn't at all, is it?
We left quite early in the morning and found the RER station (Javel) which is just over the bridge from the hotel.  Went along a couple of stops, hopped out, and there it is, the little darling.  Who can resist her charms?!

And so we joined the queue, which was quite short and moving merrily along.  I'd intended to go up to the first level (just above my head in this picture) but unfortunately it's currently closed for repairs, so I had no choice but to go up to the second level, which wasn't what I'd intended at all.  John got a ticket to the summit.
Lots of people crammed into the lift and off it went, like The Great Glass Elevator.  I clung onto the pole in the middle.  It didn't take long to arrive at the deuxieme etage. This was the most scary bit, with loads of people forcing you out of the lift and you don't know what you're stepping out onto.
But actually it's a really wide gallery, with steps down into a cafe.  John immediately vanished to continue his journey to the summit, taking the camera and leaving me without a sous, so I couldn't even have a cup of coffee!
I must tell you, I am absolutely terrified of heights, but for some reason, I made my way outside, sat down on one of very few benches, and took in the view... and loved it!  This really is a first for me.  It was amazing to look out and see the Arc twice as high as any surrounding buildings, Notre Dame, and all the way over to the Sacre Coeur.  Awesome.
So Le Tour and I are firm friends.  I waited ages and ages for John to reappear, I was getting quite worried (and thirsty!) but he eventually came strolling back to tell me the view is amazing and that I really should have gone up there.  I don't think so, darling!
We came back down to terra firma and set off to the Musee D'Orsay.  We were well underway when suddenly there were police eveywhere and the road was blocked off and we were sent around the back of the building.  All very strange.  Then, as we were nearly back to the main road, we heard the explosion.  John said it was a controlled explosion and he'd seen the guys there, but it was pretty scary, all the same.  Some other people coming towards us looked just as shocked as we were.
When we finally got to the museum, I took one look at the queue and changed my mind.  It was too nice a day to queue up for hours and spend more hours indoors, so we changed tack.
I decided to do some of the other stuff I've been dying to do, so we shot straight off to the Jardin des Tuileries.  It's a beautiful park, next to the Louvre, full of trees sporting their autumn attire.  We stopped in a cafe and had yet another croque monsieur, eating outside in the sunshine.

I didn't realise before, but if you stand with your back to the Louvre, this is what you see in the opposite direction.  How fabulous is that?!
We carried on towards the Louvre, but didn't stop.  We carried on straight to the Palais Royal.  I am a big fan of Rosemary Kneipp's blog, Aussie in France, which you can reach here:  http://www.aussieinfrance.com/  She actually lives at the top of the Palais Royal, so I really want her to see these pics!

Imagine having this on your doorstep!  So fabulous.

Some very controversial art work, but I loved it!
From here, we carried on up to the Rue St Honore (sorry, I don't know how to type accents yet).  This is the road we whizzed down on the coach in June, and that I have vowed to walk down.
Here's why:

Oh to win the lottery!  We can all dream (more of this at a later date).  We walked miles and miles around here, including the Place Vendome, which has to be one of my favourite places in the whole of Paris. 
So we came home, exhausted, but happy, had a bath and decided to have dinner in the hotel restaurant, where my mouth ulcers were so bad I just wanted to cry and could hardly eat a thing!  Oh well...
More soon, I'm sure
Jane xx

Paris... Again! (Part 1)

I just had to pop in and say hello as we've just got back from another week in Paris.  First of all, I must tell you that I've been so ill.  On the Thursday before we left, one of the residents at work (I work in a care home) was extremely ill, with a chest infection and I ended up packing her off to hospital.  Because I spent a couple of hours with her I just seemed to breathe her germs in.  At first I thought I just had a sore throat, but it wouldn't go away.  I ended up going to the walk-in centre, where I was given antibiotics for an ear infection and a throat infection.

So you can imagine how I felt on Monday morning as I got up at 4.15, got dressed and got a taxi to the airport.  Did I mention that I'm scared witless of flying?  You probably do it all the time, right?  Actually it's not flying I'm scared of, it's turbulence!  And turbulence there was, so I clung on to John for dear life until it was over.  Of course the flight made my ears hurt even more, but still.
Because, before you know it, we were in Charles de Gaulle airport, and made our way down to the RER.  I'd really like to thank Jill at http://www.gigisfrenchwindow.blogspot.co.uk/ as she did a brilliant post about how to get into Paris from the airport and after reading this I found the whole thing a doddle.
We got out at Chatalet and walked up and down a bit.  It took a while to get through to John that you can't just wander around and hope for the best, so eventually he got the map out and we found Notre Dame.  Don't forget, we came here in June, so we know roughly where we are.  Actually we know very much where we are, said hello to the Old Dear, crossed over the Seine and began our mega walk to our hotel. 
Actually it was miles, past the Eiffel Tower and still going, past the Pont de Grenelle and the Radio France building (and the Petit Liberte) and finally we are there.  Thank goodness we only had small suitcases on wheels.

We checked into our very nice rooms and just collapsed and went to sleep, both of us utterly exhausted!  It was quite a relief to find it was such a nice hotel after staying in a grotty Campanile last time.
Have I told you that I've been having french lessons for about 8 weeks?  I'm really enjoying it.  That's partly why I haven't done any art work, because I've been totally concentrating on learning french.  And I'm very glad, because it really paid off.  I had no problems ordering things in restaurants, asking for directions etc.  I'm so pleased.
We went out to dinner to a nearby restaurant where John had steak and I had Normandy chicken, which had a mushroom sauce on it.  We had a glass of wine each (the one and only time as I'm on antibiotics) and I had an awesome chocolate mousse for pudding.
I was just so glad to have arrived, in my favourite, favourite place. 
More again soon
Jane xx

On Hold...

So this is what's happened:
Blogger has made it virtually impossible for me to blog.  The only way it works now is if I put a picture on the top before I start to write.  This is a crazy situation to be in.
And so I started to get out of the habit of blogging and have just been making art instead.  The trouble is, I feel pressured that it's got to be up to a certain standard so I can put it on my blog, which I feel defeats the object of art journaling.
So I bought myself a big plain paper notebook and have started using that instead.  Frankly the relief of knowing I can just do what I want without having to photograph it and spend an hour trying to upload it and then having to write about it is really quite overwhelming.  I've loved blogging, depended on it at times, but I really do think my life is going in a different direction now, and I'm too busy living life to spend time sitting down writing about it, which is how it should be, don't you think?
So I'm bringing this blog to a close, at least for the time being.  Maybe in six months I'll want to come back, and I'm certainly not going to stop reading the blogs I read, but there are only so many hours in a day, aren't there?
Thankyou for reading and staying with me.
Jane xx

Busy days.
Had a fab time in Loughborough on Friday.  Not sure why I get nervous about going shopping on my own.  Maybe I'm nervous that I'll spend money!  You'd think it would be a foregone conclusion by now, wouldn't you?!
I've bought a Faber Castell Pitt pen and I'm having fun with it, it's the perfect pen. 
I also finally found time to go to the library there.  I was instantly transformed into another world.  It's much bigger than our library.  I saw so many books I didn't know existed and that I now desperately need to read!  But in my new quest to keep things simple, I just got out a couple of french books as I already have a book on the go, so there's no point having a library book just sitting there, is there?  By the time I'm ready to read it, it'll be time to take it back.
I also bought the book on Paris that I saw in the W H Smith in Nottingham last week.  It's extremely good.  Have I said that we are going back to Paris in October?  I can hardly wait.  Reading this book has brought it all back.  I'm determined to learn as much french as I can.  If I learn lots of new vocabulary, will the german I know fall out of my head?  I'll be very disappointed if it does! (I am a bear of very little brain, so I have to make the most of what I've got left!)
It's still very hot here and I just want to state that for the record, as every winter we say the summer was rubbish, but this year that's definitely not true.  I've actually had the lily white legs out, so it must be warm! 
We took Tessa to have her stitches out on Saturday morning.  We had to pin her down on the vet's table, but that's only because she hates being at the vets, it's not because she was hurt, it was obvious she couldn't even feel it.  She looks fine anyway and can now go for proper walks and go in the river by next weekend.  I'm so glad she's well, she's so precious to us.
Saturday was red hot.  We went to the retail park between here and Nottingham, primarily to buy Ebony's birthday present, but also to go and see this film at the cinema there.

I'm sorry, that picture just doesn't do the man justice, does it? 

Let's try again:

That's better!

The film is brilliant.  We were so tired as we'd woken up at 5.30am but this film kept me wide awake and on the edge of my seat all the way through it.  I adore Hugh Jackman anyway, and love these films.

Anyway, do you remember I'd done an art journal page with Dylusions not long ago?  I bought a sweet little book in Loughborough to use for art journaling.  I suppose the pages are A5, but they could be slightly smaller, I'll have to actually measure them.
I couldn't resist playing a bit more with the inks, so I did this as the title page:

I've used a mix of stamps and my die cut balloons.
Here is the first proper page:

I just wanted to illustrate the Bible verse that says that man looks at the outward appearance but God looks at the heart.  The background is Dylusions.  The woman is a die cut that I've had for ages.  It was white, but I painted it black and stuck it down.  Perfect for me at the moment, until I can draw figures properly.  I punched out the little red heart and coated it with glossy accents which worked out really well.
The funny thing is, I was convinced that this was true at the time, (the bit about not being a material girl, I mean) but actually, the more I think about it, the more I am quite materialistic.  I just seem to be going through a phase of buying clothes, but that's largely because I haven't had any new ones for three years and all my clothes are horsey ones, which I can't wear out really, can I?  Maybe I can be forgiven, it's not as though I'm vain or anything, I'm just having fun buying a few clothes that reflect my true personality.  Nothing wrong with that, is there?!
I'm off to gesso a few more pages...
Jane x

Art Journal Freedom

On one of my many travels in the land of Google I stumbled upon a woman called Dina Wakley and her amazing book called Art Journal Freedom.  It looked really good (and do-able, even for me) so I bought it.  What an absolute treasure it is.  I'm using it as a course, to work through and explore at my own pace.  It covers concepts like symmetry and asymmetry, white space, continuity and closure etc and it's absolutely brilliant.  I am having such fun working through the projects in there.  This is my first go:

I had such fun with this.  I love to CASE cards, so 'casing' this was no trouble at all.  It also means I now know what Dylusions inks are and I'm very, very impressed.  Soon I'll show you what this lead to next.

Anyway, I sprayed some dylusions onto watercolour paper and stamped it with my SU dot dot dot stamp and put some random numbers on an acrylic block and stamped it onto the paper, then cut the paper into four squares.  I haven't got a sewing maching, so I've drawn faux stitching around the edges. 

I stamped in Spiced Marmalade using my Clockworks stamp onto a tag and cut it into pieces, and flagged the ends.  I was very pleased because the collage uses music paper, but I just ran my SU music notes wheel in black ink over a piece of scrap paper and tore it into the size and shape I wanted.

And there you have it.

Now, this is my dilemma about stamps.  Loads of people make fabulous stamps that are great for art journaling, don't they?  But they are not cheap.  What if I buy one and it arrives and it's the wrong size for the project I want to use it for?  Or suppose I like it but I only use it for one project and then never use it again.  I've been down that route many times before getting into Stampin Up stuff.  So I am learning from past experience.

Two things came out of this:

1.  Use images found on google etc as you can size them to any size you need for your projects.

2.  Learn to draw.  This is a biggie for me, as basically I can't do it.  But some weeks ago, before we went on holiday I searched for 'How to draw a face' on t'internet and found a step by step way to do it and I'm very pleased with the results.  Now I'm beginning to draw whole people and I'm really enjoying it.  I'm not ready to add them to a page yet, but it's fun to practise in a sketch book.  I, never in a million years, thought I'd see myself drawing things at this stage in my life, so I'm quite surprised by this.

The adventure continues...!

Back soon with more, I'm sure

Jane x

Paris Art Journal #2

Such busy days!  Finally we have a new granddaughter, who looks like this:

This is Elyssa Marie Ann and she was born on Wednesday morning.  We went dashing up to see her on Thursday but had to drop Tessa off at the vet's first to have her operation.  It was very, very nerve wracking, but she is fine.  It cost £470, which is enough to be going on with.  We drove down to collect her and it was a relief to see her okay.  She came home and was laying there with the dressing on, feeling very sorry for herself.  She was doing little whiimpers.
She wasn't allowed upstairs, so I dreaded going down the next morning and sent John down first.  Fortunately she was waiting to greet him and couldn't have been happier.  Bless God.

And so onto my latest journaling page:

I had such fun with this.  The blue colour is Pool Party.  It talks about going near Disneyland Paris, which is where they have a hot air balloon.  The page on the right is from the Paris map.  Do not ask me why she has an Eiffel Tower strapped to her head, but as soon as I saw it I knew the picture was going in my art journal!
What did I learn?  That loads of inks go through paper.  I don't really know how I got onto it now but I started researching gesso, as there isn't any on this page.  Several YouTube videos later I'd ordered some and couldn't wait for it to arrive.  So these pages are gesso free, but I still like it.
This is the day that William and Kate have had their baby.  We know it's a boy (hurrah!) but the name hasn't been announced yet.  It feels strange that I was around at William's birth (not literally!) and now I am here at the birth of his son.  I must be really old!
Off to bed in a thunderstorm.  Tessa hates it so she'll probably have to come up with us, even though she's not really meant to go upstairs.
Back soon
Jane x

Paris Art Journal #1

I'm having a bizarre time with Blogger at the moment.  I've been trying for several days to put something on, but it won't let me type anying in the body of the message until now, and only now because I've managed to upload a picture first.  It's driving me crazy because I've got so many things to show you.

Anyway, this is the first page of my art journal for our Paris trip.  I'm not saying it's anything great, but I'm having such fun making it and it's already turning into something really special.

I'm really glad I took a journal with me and wrote everything down as we went along, as it's helped so much in writing this.  I've just played about with watercolours and used some distress ink on a mask.  I'm adding pictures as I go along, too.

This page is the first day, which mostly consisted of coach travel and the ferry crossing.  Back soon with some more, I'm sure, now I've got things working again.

Jane xx

Scaling It Down

Since Barnaby left I've been giving a great deal of thought to the way my life is.  Basically, I've spent the last 2-3 years gradually becoming more and more convinced that I've got some form of Alzheimer's.  I can, in all honesty, put a bunch of keys down, and within five seconds I've got no idea at all where I put them.  Please don't think this is some sort of feminine ditziness, as it makes me cry on a regular basis.

Now, bearing in mind that I work in a care home for the elderly, I decided to go to the doctor about this a couple of month's ago, because I am also definitely entering the menopause.  I've always had problems with this because I have endometriosis.  I've had a few hot flushes recently (I think in America you say hot flashes?)  I decided to google it and it turns out that loads and loads of women think they have Alzheimer's at my age, but what is actually happening is that the oestrogen levels in women at this stage start to drop.  Oestrogen is the hormone responsible for good memory.

So in fact, all I am is menopausal and I don't have Alzheimer's at all.  Thank God.

What I do know for sure is that I need time to concentrate on the things I need to do so that I can do them properly.  I know that when I go to the yard I have certain jobs to do, eg. muck out, do hay nets, feed bucket and waters etc.  When I've finished with everything I like to check I've done it, otherwise I can lay awake at night wondering if I've put Barnaby's water bucket in his stable and actually break out in a panic sweat at the thought of him standing there dehydrating all night.

The worst thing that can possibly happen is John coming along and saying it's time to go before I've had time to do my checks.  He can be very impatient and drops massive hints that I need to hurry up.  I can't stand this, because I hurry to please him and then I lay there awake at night stressing.  It's awful.

But now Barnaby is gone and so not only do I not have to worry about him, but I now have a lot more time to get other things done at home, because I'm not spending 3 hours a day at the yard.  I understood this in the winter, when I had to go to the yard, muck out, poo pick, ride, put Barnaby away and give him his tea, but for some reason it takes me 3 hours in the summer when I only have to ride and poo pick.  I really don't understand it.

Anyway, without a horse in my life it's given me time to take stock of other areas in my life now.  And why I still have Alzheimer's moments.

The bottom line is, I have too much stuff.  I have about 20 coats.  Some are coats I wear to work and church but most of them are jackets to ride in.  So when I go out I can't decide what to wear because all these coats are looking at me.  At least 10 of them will have to go.

And the biggie is, I have too many bags.  How many bags do you have?  I have a small handbag with a long strap which I love because I can put it over my shoulder and have my hands free.  It lives in the downstairs cupboard and has my bank card and library ticket in it all the time.  And maybe a bit of cash.

Then I have my blue straw bag.  This is bigger and I love it.  I take it to church quite often with my Bible and notebook in it.  But not my cash or my bank card.  So when I go shopping I have to rearrange things.

I also love my cloth bag with the union jack on it.  I like to take it shopping.  It also came to Paris with me.  I take it to work, so it often has my diary in it.  But not my library card or my cash.  

Do you see a pattern here?

So when I go out, especially when I'm going to work, I have to find my keys (which jacket pocket?) phone, notepad, pen, magnet (for door security) maybe some cash if I'm going into the village after work, etc etc and it drives me crazy.

It makes me feel like I've got Alzheimer's because I don't know where everything is, and basically it's got nothing to do with it, it's because I've got too many options all the time. I am a naturally organised and methodical person, so I can't stand this feeling of being disorganised all the time.

Imagine what it was like if I was going to the shop after work and then onto the yard.

One bag for work stuff and phone.

One bag for riding stuff to get changed into.  Wear wellies to work and put work shoes in bag, to put on when arriving at work.

Handbag over my shoulder as I will need cash in the village.

So I'm cycling along wearing a back pack and a handbag with another bag on the handlebars. 

It feels tiring even writing about it like this.  No wonder I don't know whether I'm coming or going.

Don't even get me started on shoes!

So I have embarked on a mission to simplify my life.

1. Keeping up to date with laundry is key.  I do have time to iron something in the mornings but it's not ideal.  Knowing what I'm going to wear to work each day is very important.  We don't wear uniform at work.

2. Only have the coat I wear to work in the downstairs cupboard.  All other coats and jackets stay up in the wardrobe.  I can pick one if I fancy a change, but it must go back up there when I've finished with it.

3. Have only 1 bag.  I bought an awesome thing in Paris and it's big enough for phone, keys, diary, pen, perfume, even my kindle, and it's perfect.  I have disciplined myself to keep everything in it and now have no stress about lost keys etc.  Keys are only allowed to be stored in there, not in any jacket pocket.

4. Leave 5 minutes earlier for work.  Decide in advance whether I'll be cycling down or walking.  Pack any other stuff in advance.  Make sure I know where my shoes are (easier said than done when you have a dog who likes to put them in bed with her!)

5.  Admit it's highly unlikely I'll ever ride again and pack all jods away.  I haven't thrown them away, because you just never know.  But now I have loads of space in my drawers so I can spread my other clothes out.  I'm not throwing anything else out unless, by winter, I know I'm definitely never going to wear it again.

6.  Last job is to go through my coats and throw away what I'll definitely never wear again.  I'll need something to wear to walk the dog in in the winter but that's about it.

And there we are, a few steps to simplify my life.  It's really working and I'm much less stressed, so it's well worth it.  I've just got to steel myself not to buy any more bags when I go shopping!

Back soon

Jane x

A Word To Remember

I made this just before we went on holiday:

I had so much fun.  The base is watercolour paper and I just decided to radiate out from the middle, keeping the centre pale so I could write in it.  I've used a mask in the top right corner, but the red circles bottom left are directly from those little circular sponge daubers you put on your finger.  The three thin circles top left are from a loo roll!  I've used my perfect pearls mist (gold) but I must experiment with this as it's very hard to write on top of it, but what happens if you write and then spray on top of it, will it smudge the writing?  Loads of things to try out.
The script is from a Psalm that talks about waiting patiently for God to move, and the little stamped image from Little Claire's Designs seemed perfect for this.  I've used all sorts of things to colour her in, and then added faux stitching to make it stand out.  The chances of me ever using a sewing machine are minimal!
Quite pleased with it though and it hangs at my desk so I see it and read it every day.

Things have been very different since we came back from Paris.  At first I was very tearful that Barnaby wasn't here and we drove past the farm and I couldn't bear to look across and know that he wasn't there.
But slowly, slowly, I am reaping the benefits.  I am more at peace and much more organised.  I had yesterday off and got so much done because I didn't have to go to the yard for three hours.  Horses are wonderful creatures but they are also a huge burden and responsibility.  I didn't realise how much I was constantly worrying about him, especially when I'm at work (has he got suncream on? etc).  I feel as if a great weight has been lifted from me.
Back soon
Jane x

En Francais

So we are back from Paris and it was awesome. 

 I kept a journal while we were there and I'm so glad now

 because I wrote things down the whole time. 

Can't wait to convert this into an art journal now.

First day spent whizzing round the Arc di Triomphe! 

You take your life into your hands driving round here. 

 For a start the traffic goes anti-clockwise, which takes a while to get used to.

Notre Dame Cathedral.  Just stunning.

The Sacre Coeur. Beautiful inside and out.

The icon.

There wasn't enough art in a way.

I didn't think it would be fair on John

just to wander around galleries every day.

But it was fun to stroll around Montmartre on the last evening.

Soaking up the atmosphere.

Sitting in a cafe, catching the last rays of the sun.

Drinking coffee and watching the world go by.

Can't think of a nicer way to spend an evening.

Besides which...

There's always next time!

 

Back soon

Jane x

It's Done

We went to the yard early and cleared out everything we own from the feed room.  Such a strange sensation.  I'd had this idea that I'd go for one last ride on Barnaby, but I should know from experience that it never happens like that. 
We went back at 2pm and the people arrived to collect Barnaby.  They loaded up all his rugs, tack, lungeing gear and saddle cloths.  So much stuff that I'll never need again. 
I sent John to get Barnaby from the field.  He said he stopped by the gate and turned round as if having one last look, gave a whinny (which he's never done before) and followed John onto the yard.  We quickly put his travel boots on and he was ready to go.  I just stood there hugging him but only looked him in the eye briefly. I just held him and cried. Horses are not stupid.
They came with the tiniest van.  I thought, 'Okay, that's where his gear's going, what are they actually transporting him in?' and it turned out it was in this miniscule vehicle.  There was a ramp down on the side and it did look bigger in there.  Barnaby didn't go in at the first attempt, but John just stayed calm and turned him round and this time he walked up the ramp.  We closed the ramp up behind him and John climbed out through the jockey door.
And they drove away.
And that is the last time I will ever see my boy.
I feel bereft.  We've lost Crispina and Max and dear, sweet Zak and now my dearest, darling boy, Barnaby.

We have had horses in our lives for more than 12 years. 

I wrote this the day before.  Reading it over again will probably cause me to skip this post in future read throughs:

I will see you again, Noble Steed,

In a future time

I will stand upon my battlements

Armour clad

And see you in the distance,

Running and running

Until you stand beneath my castle walls

Snorting, stamping

And I will fly the steps to meet you

And once more I’ll climb upon your back

And you will run with me upon the Elysian Fields

As fast as we used to go

And faster yet

You will be mine for ever more

And no one will be able to take you from me.

I will never forget you,

Noble Steed, Heart-beast, Friend.

I will go into the East

And never more be Joan of Arc

But patiently wait the day.

I woke up this morning, after a terrible night's sleep and have never felt so strange.  I didn't realise how much I subconsciously thought of him guarding me, up there on that hill.  In real life, of course, it's me guarding him, and providing for him, but he has been my rock and my confidant for a very long time.

I've had to be firm with myself today and know that no one else made me do it and I haven't done it in a fit of pms, and although it has been horrendously difficult, I have still done the right thing.

When you have a horse, your whole life revolves around them.  I am Barnaby's mum.  That is my identity.  It affects how you spend your time, money and energy.  It affects what you wear and even what you eat.  All my friends on facebook have horses.  They will not comprehend what I've just done.

So today, in church, I faced a 'Who am I?' moment.  I am not a horsewoman any more.  I am not yet an artist.  I am a wife and mother, but that's not the whole of me, surely?  This will be something to work through, and journal about, when I get back from holiday.

But, me being me, the eternal optimist, I just want to list a few things that will happen (or not happen) now that I no longer have a horse in my life:

1.  I will be able to come home from work and sit for as long as I like.

2. I will have time to get my course work done.

3.  We will financially be a lot better off.  No matter how cheaply you do it, owning a horse will always be an expensive business.

4. I will have more time to keep the house clean and tidy.  I get jealous when I go to other people's houses and they are spotless!  That's usually because they don't have a dog though, and we still have ours!

5.  I will have more time to be creative.

6.  I will be able to sit in the library for as long as I like.

7.  If it's pouring with rain or snowing, I won't give a monkey's.  I will get a stack of digestive biscuits and a mug of tea and go to my desk and create.  Let it pour.  I have never had that opportunity.

8. Sometimes I will curl up under my duvet with a mug of hot chocolate and a good book and stay there for at least an hour.

9. I will wear dresses and soft shoes.

10. We will be able to go away for the day and not have to hurry back to put a horse away.

And so this chapter in my life has closed.  But anothe is just beginning.  Can you see why I want to journal everything?

That's it for now then, I'm off to France!

Jane x

Decisions, Decisions

I've been feeling quite ill today and ended up in bed this afternoon, but then the phone went about four times and I gave up and got up.
I realised today how much I love taking the dog for her walk.  It's a time to be at peace and not be constantly bombarded with demands and hopefully talk to God at the same time.
And it really cleared my head.
I realised I'm finding a certain part of blogging quite stressful, and that's ridiculous, isn't it?  Not this blog, the other one. It's partly because I feel pressured into making and buying new things all the time. Although I adore Stampin Up, the constant sales pitch is getting on my nerves.  I know it's to help you be creative, but it's too much sell, sell, sell.  Because of this (although it's not entirely their fault!) I've ended up with loads of dsp.  The demand for cards in my life is nowhere near as great as it used to be (I used to sell my cards in a shop until we moved here) so I've got all this now out of date dsp and not a lot to do with it.
So I've decided to only blog my card making now and then, and use up my dsp before I buy any more.  I also want to see what else my stamps can do besides make cards with them.  I will always love Stampin Up, but you can have too much of a good thing, can't you?  If I miss a stamp set, I miss a stamp set.  I'll live.  I need the freedom to create whatever comes to mind, and not be restricted to one company.  I always resisted the urge to become a demonstrator and I'm really glad now.
I created this a few days ago:

My first go at spreading acrylics with an old library card.  Such fun.  I just squeezed some straight onto the acrylic paper and started spreading.  This came out quite large, so I painted the centre in white as I knew I wanted to write something on it.  I actually wrote about some of the stresses and strains of work, which came out of nowhere, but I felt great after I'd done it.  I stamped some flowers and used my stampin up markers to draw the flowers.  My first go at drawing freehand.
Back soon
Jane xx

So the vet came out and it was all very good.  He says Barnaby hasn't got mites, he's got a skin infection like psoriasis.  He just needs to have all the hair clipped off and a steroid cream applied to the skin, which is fantastic news.  I said we'd do this as soon as we came back from France, but half an hour later a woman who is interested in buying Barn text me and asked what the vet had said.  I replied with everything he'd just told me and she said she'd like to come and see him (Barnaby that is, not the vet!)
They finally got here (from Northamptonshire) around 7.30pm last night.  It was very overcast as it was so hot we all thought there might be a thunderstorm, so I quickly got Barnaby in and tacked him up.  I really wanted to ride him through the village to prove he is as bombproof as I've said he is. 
I set off and rode down to the village with them and John following me in the car.  There wasn't much traffic at first, and I thought it was quite boring, but apparently they were gobsmacked at how good he was.  I got to the bottom of Kirk Ley and was going to just walk up but after a while (and because I'm a dreadful show-off!) we got on the grass and went for a blast.
We came back to the yard and then the man got on and rode him.  His riding was very average.  I went into teacher mode and started giving instructions about how to ride him (like not letting him run and run when you actually want him to canter) and he got better and we put a little fence up and he jumped that too, which was good.
And so they said yes and Barnaby is sold.  I can hardly believe it.  In my head I'd decided I'd have to keep him if the problem with his leg was really bad, so I was a bit stunned to be honest.  They've paid a deposit and they'll come to pick him up Saturday afternoon.
So it will all be done and dusted by the time we go to Paris on Monday morning, but it will be so strange to come back and realise Barnaby's not here.  It's the end of an era.  We've had him for 9 years. 
I've done a bit of art journaling because of this.  Have a look:

I drew around my hand and painted it with watercolour paints.  Then I painted around it in a different colour.  I painted the heart in acrylic paint.  The wording says, 'You hold my heart, now hold my hand.'  I really need God to support me through the whole process of selling Barnaby.  I know He wants me to do it and has other plans for my life and John's.  I gave my heart to God a long, long time ago, but right now I need Him to hold my hand and comfort me, too.
I feel I want to put more on this, but I don't know what yet, as I don't want to detract from the hand, the heart and the writing, so we'll see.  Maybe I'll pull it out again in six months and add to it.
For the first time I've used the water filled brushes and they're awesome.  They'll be coming out to play regularly from now on.
Back soon
Jane x

Daisy Yellow Prompt 6 #19

I am hardly ever off the internet at the moment, looking at more and more blogs and websites concerned with art journaling.  But the one that made me take the leap of faith is Tammy's Daisy Yellow blog.  It truly is an Aladdin's cave of inspiration.  I've decided to have a go at some of the Prompt 6 journaling prompts.  Here's the one I've attempted:



You can interpret this how you like.  This is what I came up with.  Please don't laugh, it's my first attempt at anything like this:

This looks quite good irl, I'm just annoyed that I stamped the tree at the top in white and the ink is a load of rubbish.  I need to look into this as I want to use a lot of white.  I combined the idea of road, leaf sketch and grey and did the leaves in grey.  As all my journeys have Jesus at the helm, I decided this road should lead directly to Him, but I thought a cross was too obvious, so I did the white tree instead.  I used all the flower and leaf stamps I could muster, getting smaller and smaller as they go into the distance.  The writing around the leaves is the first line of Amazing Grace.

Guess which idiot lay awake most of the night trying to write a haiku?!  I know they're supposed to be about nature, and provide a contrast, but I was just concentrating on getting the number of syllables right at this stage!  The typing is washi tape along the bottom.  The drips are from my French Foliage stamp set (SU!)  This is actually acrylic paint on watercolour paper.  You live and learn, don't you?!!
At the moment I'm putting on paper whatever comes into my head.  I can't be limited by size, I have to go with what works with whatever I'm planning.  I have started a couple of times now with a big sheet of paper and just cut off the bit I like best.
Back soon
Jane x

Barnaby Update

So it's all going wrong.  Barnaby has mites so when the vet came to do his flexion text he wouldn't pick his legs up.  The vet left and so did my potential buyer.  Barnaby looked at me as if to say, "Told you you'd be stuck with me for ever!" 
So I've taken the advert down and we are going to pay what will probably amount to £200 for another dectomax injection, plus a leg wash this time.  And if it doesn't work?  I don't even want to go there.  It's quite nice for all the phone calls to have stopped.
So we will go to Paris next week and Haylie will continue with whatever treatment we decide upon while we are away.  I've asked her and Christa to ride him for me as well.  I've been to him today and he's not lame.  We went for a lovely hack.  I really enjoyed it, but it's still not what I want to be doing with my life.

The Speed Of Things

So after a great deal of dithering I drew up an advert on Tuesday night and took it up to the tack shop on Wednesday morning.  When I got back I decided to investigate Preloved and as it was free, I decided to put an ad for Barnaby on there.  Within 14 minutes of posting my ad I got my first phone call.  I could hardly believe it.  It was from a woman who has a mare who is bombproof but old.  They were saying they'd never get another one like her.  Generally you don't sell horses like Barnaby, brave horses like him are like gold dust really.
I am trying to think of him as a commodity, like a car.  It's the only way I'm going to get through it.  Although it is going to cause me excruciating pain, I still think it's the right thing to do for all of us, but the feeling is slightly surreal.
Anyway, they came yesterday and tried him out, a woman and her neice.  They brought mum, too, it was quite a sight.  I rode him, John rode him, then the woman rode him and finally her niece got on.  She looks about 10 and quite small on him, and then she took him over the fence!
So now he is sold, subject to vetting.  I've no idea what that will involve and would be astonished if he failed it, so we'll see.  I'm just waiting for the vet to ring me to arrange a date.
BUT I have finally had time to get creative in my craft room, and this is what I made:

What I learned today (!):

• I don't like acrylics.  I don't like what they do.  The colours are too bold and dry and heavy.  Maybe this will change over time and I'm certainly willing to experiment.
• I can't work on a piece of paper that's too big.  I ended up reaching for my trusty tags and this was just the right size for what I wanted to say.  I'm going no bigger than A5 for now.
• I realise why I love Tim Holtz distress inks.  Because they do exactly what you want them to do.  I have a feeling I'll be buying more of these as I only have a few.
• If I'm going to paint, I may as well stand up in the kitchen and work next to the sink.  When I painted the first version I must have got out of my chair 20 times.  Not condusive to relaxed, therapeutic creativity.
• I didn't need a prompt to create this, which has cheered me up no end.  I have a feeling the theme of 'I am innocent' will pop up again and again.
• I have written, 'I am a child of God,' around the edge of the balloon, but you can't really see it.
• I love the light, floaty feeling of the picture.
• I am going to stick my creations into a scrapbook for now so I can describe what I did, although writing this has 'been a scrapbook' for me.  I'm too nervous to buy an art journal, as if I make a pig's ear of it, I will want to rip the page out!

So glad I made this though, I need to start somewhere, and I need an alternative to my hectic working day!
Thanks for looking in,
Jane x

Today is Sunday and we did what we normally do on a Sunday.  For me it's still blissful to have a lay in.  John doesn't understand this.  He gets up early during the week and struggles to stay in bed at the weekend.  I normally boot him out with the dog.  They go roaming the countryside somewhere, then he comes back in and brings me up a cup of tea.  You're starting to see already why I love him, aren't you?  I am blessed, that's for sure.
You'd better see what the dog looks like.

Her name is Tessa and she is 12. She's a cross between a springer spaniel and a collie. We have had her since she was 5 weeks old.  She is too clever for her own good.  She is making me sad now because she's so obviously getting old.  It's getting to me this weekend that I am too attached to animals, and that's great when it's all going well, but I can't bear it when they die.
My old pony died on Friday.  He was nearly 30 and the sweetest animal you could ever wish to meet.  I could write a book about him.  I had to sell him, because we ended up with 3 horses, and I cried for months afterwards.  I am friends with his owner on facebook.  She always said I could go and visit him but my bond with him was so strong I knew if I went I'd want to bring him back with me.  I knew there was a risk, as soon as I became friends with her on fb, that one day she would message me and tell me he'd died, but it doesn't prepare you for it actually happening.  I am devastated. 
We used to have two cats, my precious Purdy and Tigger.  We rent where we live now and couldn't bring them here and that devastated me.  My daughter has them and Tigger died a few weeks ago.  I didn't mention it anywhere on fb or anything, but I am so upset about that as well.
So if I sell Barnaby as well, it will be the end of our era with animals.  I love them, but they are a tie, aren't they?  And you let them into your heart, but they can't be with you for ever. 
I feel like this because I have a stomach bug this weekend.  I haven't been ill for a long time.  I've had my job for just over a year and not had a day off sick yet.
I managed to get to church this morning.  We love our church.  When I start art journaling, it will become evident pretty quickly (I hope!) that God is the most important thing in my life.  More important than John, more important than Barnaby.  Our church is having to move premesis soon.  We have one more week in our current building (above a shop) then we move into the town hall.  I have no idea what God has in store for us, but I've been a Christian nearly 30 years (struth!) and he's never let go of my hand in all that time, so it's no biggie for me to trust Him in this. 
I've spent the entire evening looking at brilliant Youtube videos on art journaling and am desperate to have another go.  I am ready to show you my first go, but I don't think it'll photograph very well, we'll see.
Back soon, I'm sure
Jane xx